Describe my 2014 in three words?

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

And sh*t was not even close to what I experienced in 2014.

Well yeah you read it right. My 2014 was pain in the *ss, filled with the worst possible thing that could happen to someone in a single year. I'm not joking, I'm not over reacting it, I mean it. It was something that I'm not proud to share with you guys.

It all started with a typhoid fever right on 1st of January 2014. High fever and extreme dizzyness that I can't even sit down, I just lay down all day long for almost a week. I was so sick that I can't even eat anything. I throw up everything that stuffed in my mouth every 5 minutes after. The most upsetting part was that nobody in my house care about it. They pretend this thing was never happen. Yeah. That's how miserable my January was.

February? Even worse. My grandpa passed away. Well he' not even really a blood related grandpa, he was my daddy's uncle from his mother side. But I consider him as my grandpa since I was so close to him, even closer than me my real grandparents. He is the one who listen to me and who always been there for me, through every steps that I take. He was there everytime I need him even in my worst time. I love him so much. Until now I even remember he was asking for my hand right before he get into the ICU.

March was my cousin birthday. My cousin whom I consider as my own big brother, although we were not really that close. He is a Marines in the United States nowadays. You think March should be a great month since it was a birthday month? Hell no. I don't even know where the hell he is right now. I don't even know where did the U.S Marines sent him. Just so you know, I haven't met him in person for seven years. Seven freakin' years. My prayers is always the same every year on his birthday. Wherever he is now, I wish he would come home safely. I don't need another kidnapping or truck get bombed stories.

April to August was good. Nothing much happened as far as I remember. Unless I was arguing with my mom every single time we met for no absolute reason. We just fight and scream and hate each other. But then it was not something bad, was it? What could be worse than that? Oh yeah. I lost my iPhone just right 2 days before my birthday. I thought my friends playing some pranks but they were not. I don't even remember how did it happen. It was just not there the moment I check my bag.

September oh September. Need I say more? I lost my father this month. He passed away just the moment everything went much better than the first time he got sick. The only person in this world who can get along with me with no exception. My world torn into pieces the moment I realize that this man will never knock my door every morning. I nearly faint but somehow managed to handle it. I know how he hates to see me crying. Maybe that's why I still never overly mourned my dad. It was just a teardrops and then move on. Right until now.

I can't recall what kind of happiness I had in 2014. Not even once. My 2014 mostly filled with tears and anger in everything in between. All I can say is that 2014 was sh*t, the lowest part of my whole life so far and I definitely don't want it to happen again.

I might sound like some little brats or drama queen, overly express everything that happened in my life. Well I don't really care. I know there still a lot of people who are not lucky as I am. But please imagine how does it feels to be someone who lost two most important person in her life right in front of her eyes. And imagine how does it feels to be someone who haven't met brother for seven years, who didn't know where exactly in this world her big brother, who didn't know either he is safe or not. Imagine that. Imagine that.

I expect nothing from 2015. From what I experienced, high expectations leads to disappointment. I'll just let it flow and enjoy every single sh*t thing that will happen to me this year. Yet hopefully it will bring a much more enjoyable and greater experience for me to learn.

After all, there's always a journey to be written in the journal.