Hello Again
11:29 AM
It's been a year since the last time I wrote here. Too long,
shame.
Other than my laptop is broken (yes it was broken and I don’t even
feel like to repair it), I was pretending
that I was busy. With life,
work, university and things that I don't even know how to say it. But most of
the time, I was just don't feel like to write.
Why? I don't even know why. My life has been a mess, like a huge
mess.
I lost my way.
A year ago, I really don't know what to do with my life. For the
first time in my life, I'm not sure about what I want. I spend my days sleeping
and slouching in my room. Crying it all out sometimes, regretting everything
that happened in my life, devastated about how miserable I am and how I'm not even trying to do anything about it.
Deep down I was hoping I will find the meaning of my life again in the middle
of sleeping, slouching, screaming and crying.
A year passed and nothing changed. I still losing everything in my
life and I still don’t know where to go. Pretending that everything is alright while
deep down I am crying, screaming and regretting things that I don’t even know
what it is. Then I just realized, I was just scared.
I was scared of how things around me changes quickly. Starting
from the deceased family members to friends that somehow go on a separated
ways. I was scared of changes because I don’t know how to handle it. I was
scared that in the end I will end up alone, being left behind and forgotten.
Thus I decided to let everything slip out of my hand and trying to live every
moment of it.
But I still feel unhappy.
After a long period of unhappy and crying, about a month ago out
of nowhere my laptop suddenly fixed. I don’t know how, I don’t know when but
somehow I can use it again. Then I started to look through my old files and
found my blog’s files. The pictures, post’s drafts, templates, etc. I smile,
remembering about how happy I was sharing about food, about my passion, about
what I love the most, or simply about my life. I was so happy, even I smile
when I’m thinking about it. Then I thought, hey if I was so happy when I am
writing, let’s start write again!
So that’s how I decided to write here again.
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